jueves, 30 de septiembre de 2010
So maybe not exactly 365...
How about 365 multiplied by 5? AM I ever going to get there? I guess it's a journey...
miércoles, 1 de septiembre de 2010
The baby bucket list
I loved the movie The Bucket List.
Suddenly I feel that even though I'm not even half way through life I need a bucket list of my own. I'm not dieing, I'm living. But I am going to have to live very differently, very soon. My entire world feels as if it is turning upside down, and I don't even have a baby.
Forget no more sexy vacations full of dangerous adventures and foreign men....No more late night trips to buy ice cream on a whim. I won't be able to even leave the house alone anymore. Single parenthood. I see why my mother was so crazy. You have to be the ONLY parent 24/7/365. No breaks. Not even 20 minutes to go for a stroll and get ice cream. On the bright side maybe I'll finally lose that 5 pounds I want to lose.
On the down side- I better get cracking on my baby bucket list. The list of everything I dream of getting done before my baby arrives.
Baby bucket list:
1. Go on a medical mission overseas
2. Set up my home for a baby
3. Return to the middle east
4. Get video of me dancing in a classy show
5. Dance with an attractive man until dawn
6. Lose that last 5 pounds
7. Have an affordable child-care plan in place
8. Give Cloe and Cody some of thier college money in cash
9. Go on a fantasy* date with an attractive** single man with no kids under 35
10. Be fit enough for 20 push-ups and/or a 5 mile run
11. Have enough extra money to blow 1,000$ on my appearance
* fantasy= he pays to wine and dine somewhere pricey and does not expect anything in return
**attractive= drug and disease free, physically fit, beatiful appearance
-------------------
When I realistically ponder this stuff, that climb the Pyramids of Giza stuff seems a whole lot simpler. Then again, I already went to the pyramids of Giza. I'll always have Egypt, at least.
UPDATE from Labor Day weekend:
Alright... number 9 is accomplished- funny -sorta kinda. I'm down to 10 things to get done...
Suddenly I feel that even though I'm not even half way through life I need a bucket list of my own. I'm not dieing, I'm living. But I am going to have to live very differently, very soon. My entire world feels as if it is turning upside down, and I don't even have a baby.
Forget no more sexy vacations full of dangerous adventures and foreign men....No more late night trips to buy ice cream on a whim. I won't be able to even leave the house alone anymore. Single parenthood. I see why my mother was so crazy. You have to be the ONLY parent 24/7/365. No breaks. Not even 20 minutes to go for a stroll and get ice cream. On the bright side maybe I'll finally lose that 5 pounds I want to lose.
On the down side- I better get cracking on my baby bucket list. The list of everything I dream of getting done before my baby arrives.
Baby bucket list:
1. Go on a medical mission overseas
2. Set up my home for a baby
3. Return to the middle east
4. Get video of me dancing in a classy show
5. Dance with an attractive man until dawn
6. Lose that last 5 pounds
7. Have an affordable child-care plan in place
8. Give Cloe and Cody some of thier college money in cash
9. Go on a fantasy* date with an attractive** single man with no kids under 35
10. Be fit enough for 20 push-ups and/or a 5 mile run
11. Have enough extra money to blow 1,000$ on my appearance
* fantasy= he pays to wine and dine somewhere pricey and does not expect anything in return
**attractive= drug and disease free, physically fit, beatiful appearance
-------------------
When I realistically ponder this stuff, that climb the Pyramids of Giza stuff seems a whole lot simpler. Then again, I already went to the pyramids of Giza. I'll always have Egypt, at least.
UPDATE from Labor Day weekend:
Alright... number 9 is accomplished- funny -sorta kinda. I'm down to 10 things to get done...
Sex with my kid
Well, that probably got your attention.
Those of you who know me are probably thinking - this is the ultimate sarcastic statement. Didn't the fact that you never have sex land you in this predicament in the first place? Yes. Waiting until 32 to lose my virginity was probably a BIG FAT MISTAKE. Topped only by the mistakes in my choices of men. I may very well have been better off to start having sex at 17 even if it meant having a baby at 18. In fact if I had a baby at 18, I would be a mother right now and you wouldn't be reading this in horror.
If I have a girl, I know exactly what I will tell her about sex. In fact I've pictured the discussions in my mind. They happen around the kitchen. They empower her to not make the mistakes that I made. They teach her about responsibility and choices as well as condums and the pill.
The problem is- what if I have a boy? I never thought it would happen until I looked more and more into the adoption process. It turns out that if I truly want a newborn, I may have a boy. Even though as a doctor I could ultrasound any expectant mother, and see the gender of the child to be- it isn't so simple legally, or even morally. And it turns out that the kind of mother who gives her child up for adoption is not always the kind of mother who gets ultrasounds. It makes sense. If I had to give away my own child, I wouldn't want to see an ultrasound. I would probably change my mind immediately if I did.
Even if I find a mother who had ultrasounds, there is always that slim chance of a misreading... and Congradulations- it's a boy!
So I can cope. I already know what people will say. If he turns out gay - it is because I deprived him of a father figure, and quashed his supposed straightness under my horrifying presence. But if he turns out straight, well I probably caused him to be "that kind of asshole" that he is- breaking wemen's hearts, treating them with disrespect. It's all probably pent up anger that I deprived him of a father figure. And don't forget my horrifying presence as a single mother. Even if he never develops to be drawn to anyone- I'm sure that will be all my fault too. I'm not so interested in what other people will say once my child starts dating. I'm interested in what I will say before.
I spend hours reading on how to be a good parent. Today I stumbled on an article by a single mother about raising a son as such. Her 10 year old got an erection when she went out shopping for uderwear. It happened again when they were watching an innocous program with an attractive woman dancing ballroom. As I read this I quickly visualized my own future.
Unlike wemen who give birth, there will probably be no male around my child can think of as a father. Even if I had married an divorced a fairly unbearable man, there are some lessons I would much rather leave to him. I simply can not tell a male child how to deal with the changes in his body. It is somewhat like me to trying to tell someone how to cope with life when you are born deaf and mute. Imagination can only take one so far. Unless you have certain experiences, chances are you can not fully comprehend them.
So what will I say to my son? I have no idea.
Those of you who know me are probably thinking - this is the ultimate sarcastic statement. Didn't the fact that you never have sex land you in this predicament in the first place? Yes. Waiting until 32 to lose my virginity was probably a BIG FAT MISTAKE. Topped only by the mistakes in my choices of men. I may very well have been better off to start having sex at 17 even if it meant having a baby at 18. In fact if I had a baby at 18, I would be a mother right now and you wouldn't be reading this in horror.
If I have a girl, I know exactly what I will tell her about sex. In fact I've pictured the discussions in my mind. They happen around the kitchen. They empower her to not make the mistakes that I made. They teach her about responsibility and choices as well as condums and the pill.
The problem is- what if I have a boy? I never thought it would happen until I looked more and more into the adoption process. It turns out that if I truly want a newborn, I may have a boy. Even though as a doctor I could ultrasound any expectant mother, and see the gender of the child to be- it isn't so simple legally, or even morally. And it turns out that the kind of mother who gives her child up for adoption is not always the kind of mother who gets ultrasounds. It makes sense. If I had to give away my own child, I wouldn't want to see an ultrasound. I would probably change my mind immediately if I did.
Even if I find a mother who had ultrasounds, there is always that slim chance of a misreading... and Congradulations- it's a boy!
So I can cope. I already know what people will say. If he turns out gay - it is because I deprived him of a father figure, and quashed his supposed straightness under my horrifying presence. But if he turns out straight, well I probably caused him to be "that kind of asshole" that he is- breaking wemen's hearts, treating them with disrespect. It's all probably pent up anger that I deprived him of a father figure. And don't forget my horrifying presence as a single mother. Even if he never develops to be drawn to anyone- I'm sure that will be all my fault too. I'm not so interested in what other people will say once my child starts dating. I'm interested in what I will say before.
I spend hours reading on how to be a good parent. Today I stumbled on an article by a single mother about raising a son as such. Her 10 year old got an erection when she went out shopping for uderwear. It happened again when they were watching an innocous program with an attractive woman dancing ballroom. As I read this I quickly visualized my own future.
Unlike wemen who give birth, there will probably be no male around my child can think of as a father. Even if I had married an divorced a fairly unbearable man, there are some lessons I would much rather leave to him. I simply can not tell a male child how to deal with the changes in his body. It is somewhat like me to trying to tell someone how to cope with life when you are born deaf and mute. Imagination can only take one so far. Unless you have certain experiences, chances are you can not fully comprehend them.
So what will I say to my son? I have no idea.
Why I started this blog
There is an saying I was once told by a woman in Tanzania. Dumb people learn from their mistakes. Smart people learn from other people's mistakes.
If nothing else I hope this blog will help other wemen like myself. I can't be sure. But I know it will help me.
I respond to deadlines. And if there was ever an issue in my life that needed a deadline, it is motherhood. You may be snickering to yourself thinking- the deadline has already been imposed, fool. It's called menopause. However in this modern world, women like myself with ample financial resources continue to try and stretch the deadline further and further. At some point it all becomes downright immoral. Just because someone can become a parent at any age- doesn't mean they should. I feel this applies equally to men and wemen. However, in most cases men who father a child in older age do so with a younger spouse. Nice to know when they drop dead with heart attacks, cancer and so on, someone will be left around to take care of the kids. No such luck for the kids of older single ladies.
Such ladies might respond defensively- anyone could drop dead at any moment. Of course...but I would counter that not anyone gets heart disease at any moment. Ditto for almost any other medical ailment you can think of. If pregnancy were an illness it would be unusual in that it strikes such a young crowd. While the average American woman can expect to live into her 80s, she can not realistically expect to have the health and energy required to raise a child at that age- or even a decade earlier.
Good parenting sometimes boils down to simple addition. If you get a child at 40 you will be 50 years old when the child is 10. 50- the age of menopause. Picture a menopausal woman running after a screaming 10 year old- alone. It only gets worse from there. If you wait and get a child at 50, you will be 60 years old when the child is 10. I am amazed at how many successful women somehow did not process these facts that anyone who can add integers can see plainly.
I'm out of time. That is why I have today imposed a deadline on myself to finish a process I started thinking about years ago. By the time I turn 34, I would like my first child. Please help me on my journey towards this goal by adding comments. I have so many questions that I would like feedback on. The first big set of questions will be posted today! Thank you so much for your thoughts in advance.
If nothing else I hope this blog will help other wemen like myself. I can't be sure. But I know it will help me.
I respond to deadlines. And if there was ever an issue in my life that needed a deadline, it is motherhood. You may be snickering to yourself thinking- the deadline has already been imposed, fool. It's called menopause. However in this modern world, women like myself with ample financial resources continue to try and stretch the deadline further and further. At some point it all becomes downright immoral. Just because someone can become a parent at any age- doesn't mean they should. I feel this applies equally to men and wemen. However, in most cases men who father a child in older age do so with a younger spouse. Nice to know when they drop dead with heart attacks, cancer and so on, someone will be left around to take care of the kids. No such luck for the kids of older single ladies.
Such ladies might respond defensively- anyone could drop dead at any moment. Of course...but I would counter that not anyone gets heart disease at any moment. Ditto for almost any other medical ailment you can think of. If pregnancy were an illness it would be unusual in that it strikes such a young crowd. While the average American woman can expect to live into her 80s, she can not realistically expect to have the health and energy required to raise a child at that age- or even a decade earlier.
Good parenting sometimes boils down to simple addition. If you get a child at 40 you will be 50 years old when the child is 10. 50- the age of menopause. Picture a menopausal woman running after a screaming 10 year old- alone. It only gets worse from there. If you wait and get a child at 50, you will be 60 years old when the child is 10. I am amazed at how many successful women somehow did not process these facts that anyone who can add integers can see plainly.
I'm out of time. That is why I have today imposed a deadline on myself to finish a process I started thinking about years ago. By the time I turn 34, I would like my first child. Please help me on my journey towards this goal by adding comments. I have so many questions that I would like feedback on. The first big set of questions will be posted today! Thank you so much for your thoughts in advance.
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